Asking Kenny
by SSSP-shhh
Summary: Getting high and talking about sexuality with your friends isn't always the best idea when Kenny is around.  Style.


**Hey guys! Its M!**

**I whipped this up in a day and it may be the most vulgar, inappropriate thing I've ever written even though there isn't actually a sex scene. Just so you know, none of the views expressed here correlate with my own, they're simply statements I thought the characters would make. But honestly, if you watch South Park, you shouldn't be offended at all. :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Matt and Trey are waaaayyyy more genius than me.**

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><p>So, they're on the bedroom floor smoking a joint. Its just the four of them, because Butters took off like the little weak-ass wimp he is as soon as they crossed into the illegal category. Its okay, because its Butters, and sometimes they feel bad enough for him to let him get away with not doing shit. Cartman still rags on him, but thats Cartman and he's a fucking dick, so it doesn't count. Or matter. Whatever.<p>

They're talking about stupid shit and Kenny's wearing his jacket like he did when they were kids and they're laughing, remembering when he took that picture with his ass in the hood. Talking about Kenny's ass generally leads to talking about homos, which then leads to Cartman being a douche. And then homos again.

"So what's it like, man?" Stan asks Kenny, 'cause Kenny's bi. More realistically, Kenny'll bang anything that stands on two legs and looks vaguely humanoid, but there isn't a term for that yet, so they say bi. Or fucking horny.

Kenny takes a drag, and loosens his hood so he can speak clearly. "Dude, I dunno... You wanna know the difference between ass and vag, you gotta go out and try both. But one thing they got in common is that they are tight and hot and feel fucking awesome."

Kyle nods like he understands even though they all know he's never done shit. "But like... how'd you even get it up for a dude, man? Not like they're pretty and shit."

Fiddling with the button on his jeans, Kenny leers at him. "There's like... this rush seeing a guy bent over for you like that. 'Cause bitches, that's where they're meant to be. But another guy... its like a total alpha male thing. Besides, guys aren't pretty, they're fucking hot." He glances at Stan as if he would empathize. "Don't tell me you've never checked out a guy's ass."

Cartman sputters. "Fuck no! I ain't no fag like you guys!"

They ignore him. Stand shakes his head. "Not like there's much to see. No boobs or anything."

"But you find girls's asses attractive, right? Not like you're gonna be tapping that unless she's down for anal, which ain't likely. Its all about appreciating a nice thing, even if you don't wanna screw it." Kenny sees his friends' confusion and rolls his eyes, jerking Kyle to his feet and spinning him around. "See that?" He gives Kyle's ass a loud slap and grins. "_That_ is a nice ass. And I like, but I'm not really interested in having Kyle over the edge of my bed. You know?"

"Dude!" Kyle slaps Kenny's hands away and sits down, flushing. "You're such a fag."

"Like you're not!" Cartman reenters the conversation, sick of being ignored. "All three of you are such cock-sucking faggots. Can't believe Wendy likes being done by a poof."

They ignore him.

Or not. "Poof? What the fuck's that 'sposed to mean?" Stan is mild in his irritation. He's still traumatized from the mental image of Kenny doing Kyle.

"Its a British slang word for gay," Cartman explains primly.

"Sure it doesn't mean fat?" Kyle never misses an opportunity to take a shot at Cartman, but his wit is dulled by the joint. "Fatass."

Cartman lumbers to his feet, slightly unsteady. "Screw you guys, I'm going home." He marches out, before remembering its _his_ room and sitting in an unhappy lump while the others snicker. "You guys are all assholes."

Still curious, Stan turns to Kenny. "So, you've never thought about doing it with any of us?"

Kenny laughs loudly before winking. "'Course I have. I mean, you're not supermodels or nuttin', but you're pretty damn fuckable as far as that goes. In South Park, you especially are a gay man's wet dream," -he tells Stan, who joins Kyle in being red- "But you're my friend first and eye-candy second. So, not seriously."

"God, look at the little virgin prudes!" Even though Cartman looks disturbed by all the blatant talk of homosexuality, he rags on Kyle and Stan. "And I'm even attractive to gay men!"

"I wasn't talking about you, lard-balls," Kenny clarifies.

"Good. I don't want your faggy thoughts fantasizing about me."

Kenny scowls. "Like you've never thought about doing one of us, man-boobs!"

"Like hell!" Cartman looks about to explode. "No way would I _ever_-"

Crossing his arms, Kenny snorts. "The last time we had passed out after a party, you had a wet dream. I distinctly remember some very familiar names..."

"Gross dude!" Stan mimes throwing up as Cartman blanches.

"Like you two haven't already done it! You still sleep in the same bed on weekends! Hell, you still have _sleepovers_!" Cartman has all the vehemence of an enraged beast.

Kyle grins, all teeth. "And we're still way straighter than you are!" He and Stan high-five.

Kenny watches them, blue eyes narrowing. "So you two have never thought about doing each other? Or me?"

"Hey! What about me?" Cartman pouts, upset to be left out regardless of the subject matter.

"That was a 'duh' sort of answer." Kenny keeps watching the super best friends. "So? Have you?"

Stan and Kyle glance at each other, eyes wide. Stan answers for them. "No, not until tonight."

Kenny whistles sadly. "Too bad. That'd be hot. I'd pay to see that shit."

The one more prone to being embarrassed, Kyle flushes again. "Thanks, I guess."

"Seriously. I'd pay." That's saying something for Kenny, whose poor back-round makes him a bit stingy. "Twenty bucks to each of you if you make-out for two minutes."

Three jaws drop simultaneously to the ground.

"What?"

"Fag!"

"Gross dude!"

Kenny just grins as he puts his arms behind his head. "That wasn't a no."

The two boys can't keep from glancing at each other now. Cartman laughs. "They're too chicken-shit scared to do it! The Jew's such a 'fraidy-cat, he won't even do it for money!"

Predictably, this gets a rise out of Kyle. "Shut the fuck up, Cartman!" And he turns and smashes his lips onto Stan's.

"And timing," Kenny says, but neither of the others notice. Cartman's too busy gaping and Kyle and Stan have bigger things to worry about.

Like what to do with their tongues and whether its okay for Stan to grope Kyle's ass or not.

Once they figure out the first one, Stan decides the second is a _very_ good idea after all. From the way Kyle is moaning, he agrees.

If he wasn't having wet dreams about that ass before, he sure is now.

"Time up!" And they're jerked away from each other, sputtering and rock hard. Kenny is grinning in their faces. "I might just have to tip you for that."

"Fucking fags." But Cartman looks like his pants might be a little tight too.

"Dude." Stan drags a sleeve across his mouth, humiliated he enjoyed it so much. "Don't even _think_ about mentioning this ever again." Kyle nods fervently in agreement.

"Sure." Kenny grins like a devil. "In exchange for the sex tapes."

After they kill Kenny and knock Cartman out, they swear to forget about the whole thing. And they do.

After they give the sex thing a try.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! Love you and please review!<strong>


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